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Like waking the morning after two extra-strength sinus cold tablets (without the rock-hard mucous membranes), I feel the clouds lifting and the air clearing.  It’s been a while since I’ve had the ability to write (desire is there, but the fingers-to-keyboard part is tricky).  It’s been even longer since I’ve been inspired to paint or take a photo.  Thinking the clouds started to descend back in December when Lee left for three months to Antarctica.  The anticipation was worse than the separation.  But the separation wasn’t awesome either.  The house hunt was a bust.  Instead of picturing myself in some of these places we were seeing, I stood in awe of how some people live amid such disorganization and, in some cases, such filth (and you want HOW MUCH for this??)!  My new job absorbed too much of my energy to feel balanced.  And, as a result of these things, the creative concentration just wasn’t there (suck it up princess, stop making excuses).

As a friend reminded me today, life is built in chapters.  Each chapter enhances perspective, tunes it like it was a finicky radio antennae.  Helps reduce the static and get a clear transmission.  Same old radio, same old antennae, but in a slightly new position with a slightly better result.  There must be hundreds, if not thousands of chapters in life.  Some short and sweet, some longer, sadder, milk-snorting ridiculous; others that demand a good glass of wine, a soft blanket, and a good set of listening-ears.  The neat thing is, that at the end of each chapter, if you’re doing it right, perspective has changed.  Growth can be a wonderful (or nauseating) thing.  Just keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle, and with any luck, you’ll make it to the other side a better version of yourself.

Preparation is key.  Even if slight.  It’s like forgetting to shut the bathroom door when you hop into a hot shower (or when a partner SABOTAGES your effort!).  Inevitably you’ll open the curtain at the end to grab your towel and recoil in full body bumpilies (I HATE that).  OK so you forgot to close the door.  But hiding behind the curtains and drying off first makes it possible to exit said shower without losing all your warm momentum.  You can face the cold.  So long as you have your terry friend alongside.  Forgive the self-help-ish metaphor (the last thing I want to do is help selves), but people weren’t meant to live alone.  People need people (ex. The Unibomber).  If you want to invite people into your shower, it’s your own business (send pictures), but if we’re still running with the shower metaphor here, the more bath buddies, the better.  Can’t douse a fire with a squirt gun.  Likewise, you can’t party by yourself (or can you?).  So why pass chapters without letting someone in on the progress.  The digression.  Or the stagnancy.

And as quickly as the clarity comes, 8 sips (I swear) of red wine has clouded things up again.  Should have waited to start the glass till at least half-way through this entry.  Then I would have made it past stagnancy.  How fitting.

This is day one of my days off.  But it doesn’t count because it’s the worst day of my rotation.  Sleep-deprived and delirious, my over-caffinated brain is on overdrive.  And overdrive means too much thinking.  Too much thinking about aspects of life I can’t control.  Which leads to feeling out-of-control.  And jittery.  Wishing for a fast forward button to land me in a place where I had (ANY) presence of mind and perspective.  And less coffee.  And the energy to move from under the covers to, say, a chair.  Or a couch.  Or outside.  And while on the topic, outside has been lovely lately.  Hoping to pop into Canada Blooms tomorrow to soak up some outside in a most-illogical manner… inside.